Rhod Gilbert on BBC Radio Wales.

If you are listening to this, you are listening to Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits, some of the best bits of my Saturday morning radio show, live on BBC Radio Wales. This week, I'm in a studio in Carmarthen with Clint Edwards.

Saturday morning. What's the date? Let's start with that. I always start with that. I'd like to have ... place myself in the world. I'm in Carmarthen ... BBC Studion in Carmarthen, live ... Saturday, June the 6th. Uh, what are you up to? / __ __ __ __ ... how are you __ing the __? ... I'll tell you what features we've got coming up. We've got __ Rhod-o-vision Song Context as usual. It's my new __ __ ... backbone of the show. You haven't ... you haven't been here, I don't think, for the Rhod-o-vision Song Contest, Clint? / No, I haven't / The Rhod-o-vision Song Contest, as the name implies, is a ... a bit like the Eurovision Song Contest. You ... basically you, uh, get in touch with the show, 8 10 12, you tweet the show __ @rhodgilbertshow __ tell us where you live ... or where you are from, or where you were born. ... I can't remember. I forgot __ own rules ... / Right. / ... basically where ... where you are ... where you live ... name a band from there, nominate a song of theirs ... and we put all into __ big Rhod-o-vision Song Contest, choose a winner, play it at the end of the show. It's genius, innit? It's a genius feature. / I'm just trying to think of ... / somebody called Jim in N__ / __ can't think of any __ ... any band from S__ / Uh / I was in a band __ __ was horrible. / You were in a band? / From S__ / __ __ __ what was the band called? / __ __ __ __ names __ __ __ my favorite one was "Too Difficult" / that's __ your problem / that's why / never really got going. Every time you __ invited __ Top of the Pops __ __ __ change your name / Yeah. / Every time __ __ introduced, you go "That's not us." / you spend most of your times in __ __ Top of the Pops __ __ __ announced / ... yeah, exactly. How many band names did you have? / ... I could probably have laid __ six. / Six? / Yeah. / Are any of them broadcastable? ... That one was. "Too Difficult". / Too Difficult. ... That was when we went to the studio, and he went, "Right. __ __ __ at 3:00 __ __ __ "What's your name?" And we were laughed because we __ had so many names, and the drummer went / too difficult / ドラマーが「難しすぎ」ってつぶやいたんだ。そしたらそれがバンド名になった。 / OK, "Too Difficult". That's / perfect. Uh ... oh, I've got a feature about things changing ... things you've done wrong all your life __ then __ got a new feature / done wrong / all your life ? / things you've done wrong all your life. / Oh, yeah / I'll tell you about it later. ... "Dear Rhod and guest ..." __ says here. / Oh, no, don't read that. / Oh? What's wrong in reading that? / 'cause / I read this earlier __ __ don't read it. I'll read it to you / read it / correspondence. / I know. But __ __ you __ know, in the first sentence ... here we are. "Dear Rhod and __ guest / you / this is from G__ Roberts. ... Uh, __ says, "Can you try and get through a show without saying the word ..." Obviously I can't say it because __ that would __ / 番組の最初から終わりまで xxx という単語を言わずに済ませられませんか？ / この xxx の部分は言うことができない。言わないでくれっていってんだから。 / p__ / this email is fundamentally flawed, __n't it? / "Can you get through the show without saying ... / sentence. / I'll give you a clue. You __ said the word already about six times. ... I'll let you try and guess what this word is. __ he says, um ... he goes ... / "O", as in the "03 700 100 1 10? / No. It's not ... it's not essential to the show, I don't think. That's his point. He goes, "How about just doing a proper show? Do some preparation ... / Is that ... / ... and talk about current affairs?" / ... Hang on __ __ this is __ __ G__ Roberts, __ __? / Yeah, who says / "We pay the license fee for your salary ..." __ __ __ say / __ __ see my salary, mate? / and ... and then you effectively want us to write the show ..." This is the clue as to what you shouldn't say / you effectively want us to write the show for you in coming up with ... [blank]. ... Come on. And __ ... / "Features" ? / Huh, yeah, __ __ __ / Features, ... features, features, features, features, features ... stick that in your ... stick that in your __ pipe and puff on it, __ Roberts. / after ... after __ __ complain / he went, "Best Regards". / So, what is he saying? / show / without saying the word "feature" or doing any. Just do a proper show. Do some ... do some preparation." I mean, it's, uh, too late for that / mean / what / you / can you read that? / sentence in Welsh / can you try / or doing any? How about just doing a proper show? Do some preparation. Talk about current affairs." / ... talk about current affairs ... / Well, it's not Newsnight, mate. "We pay the license fee for your salary, then you effectively want us to write the show for you, coming up with features. ... Come on, XXX XXX XXX XXX XXX ... put a bit of, uh ... put a bit of effort in ... / 少しは努力しろ、か / Is that what __ means? / このウェールズ語はそういう意味なの？ / Yeah. Put your socks on ... put __ sleeves up ... get on with it / all right / current affairs / want / talk about, Clint / heard / couple of saucy raisins / It's a ... look ... __ __ nice. Um ... all right ... all right, all right, then. All right ... on the spot ... on the spot challenge. I've got the Daily Express in front of me. You want current affairs? You've come to the right place. ... Ha ha ... let's have a look. Uh ... / I didn't kick __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ picture of Harry Styles / DJ ... looking similar ... uh ... can't do that ... can't do that ... can't do that ... __ __ssive ... racist ... sexist ... awful ... / __ __'s your fault __ __ up __ wrong paper / 変な新聞を買ってくるからだよ。/ Yeah. Uh ... __ can't do that / __ __ __, the Carmarthen Journal. Here we are. Page 2 ... "School boys score dream win / School boys score dream win? / yeah. It's __ football / There we are. / There we are / current affairs for you. Uh ... what else have we got here? / Happy g__ ... / generally / for the rest of the show / that has to be said. Uh ... no, that's dodgy ... dodgy ... can't do that ... dodgy ... somebody fancies David Ginola ... that's current __ ... current, innit? / that's / I saw him in __ __ __ hotel the other day / David Ginola / like to think / hotel / shining / it is very like / love that / love that. I love that / I was there / it's like ... he's __ __ __ __ __ David Ginola was over there by the __ ... / Who is he? / You know D__ __, the gorgeous, handsome French football player ... from about 20 years ago, who is now silvery-haired and gorgeous and handsome. / Huh, OK. / He used to do shampoo adverts / just __ informed by L__, the / that's probably / know him, certainly, rather than ... / shampoo guy / rather than being one of the greatest footballers of the world / the football ... the shampoo guy ... the guy with the split ends. / 世界屈指のサッカー選手としてでなく「シャンプーの人」「枝毛の人」として名を馳せている。

Now then, it's a light-hearted gamble through the newspapers this morning, so I'm trying / something light-hearted / r__y / in Britain / cost you 10 p__ each?" ... Did you know that? / No, they don't. Grow your own. Get an allotment. / Huh, OK. Well ... yeah. Well, obviously if you grow your own ... / immediate flaw in that / obviously, if you / cost / after that / going / brackets, (unless you grow your own) / Yeah. __ __ __ grow wild __ __, didn't they? __ __ __ __ __ __ I've solved that one. Next. / wild raspberry / I've seen / wild raspberry / wild horse, I've seen __ wild m__, I've seen a wild boar. / mate / I've seen / blackberry / I / see__ / wild raspberry. / I'm sure I've seen a wild r__y / Where have you seen a wild r__? / On a bush. / ... Yeah? / In Wales / OK __ __ sound implausible ... sound __ implausible / if you've seen, listeners ... if you've seen __ wild raspberry, / All right. Great feature. ... Feature 1: / Feature 1 ... this is, uh, ... for g__ / Feature 1: have you seen a wild raspberry? / Send us a picture. Tweat us a picture ... / Yeah. / ... and __ location / I / just / want "Yes." / 君はワイルド・ラズベリーを見たことはあるか？ただ「ある」と答えるだけなのはやめてくれよ。 / right? / I want a picture ... yeah, we wanna picture of a wild raspberry / and some kind of proof / wild as well / some kind of / know / certificate / how / you know / little bottle of Southern Comfort / 一晩中飲めや歌えの大騒ぎ / what is the definition of "wild"? / "Wild"? / Yeah. / Um ... unrestrained ... oh, __ __ / unrestrained, yeah. ... Crazy. / Crazy raspberry / __ __ crazy raspberry / I don't want pictures of r__s that look like genitals and stuff like that / 「ワイルド」ってのは「野生の」であって、「クレイジーな」って意味じゃないからね。アレに似ているラズベリーの写真とかを送ってこないように。 / I do. / 僕は見たいな。 / personal twitter / Britain / 10 pence each / apparently / according to __ Daily M__ / some stuff / week. Hold the fort. ... Huh, well done for holding the fort there, Clint / means / fill the void of radio / just wait / 「つないどいて」ってのは、ただ待ってるんじゃなくて、何か喋って間をもたせてくれってことなんだが / uh ... "School rubbers are instruments of the devil." Did you see that? ... This was, uh ... / surprising / white ... white board marker's rubbers? / Well, it's a bloke ... um ... / __ __ little eras__ things / It's a bloke. ... Right. ... Uh ... G__ C__, professor at King's College London ... uh ... / Oh. / ... thinks that / just / rubbing things out and __ __ mistakes / is a bad way of doing things / you should / keep / proudly on the page or whatever / should learn / rubbing things out makes you think / in a perfect world / rub out your mistakes in life / so, if you do something wrong / rubbers / says / work __ __ devil / Look / he says ... "... according to one academic, erasers are instrument of the devil __ exclamation marks, "... and should be banned from classrooms. They wrongly encourage children to feel ashamed of their mistakes. Instead, people should be unafraid of making errors, to recognize and learn from them / eraser is the devil because it perpetuates the culture of shame about error / I / the devil would be far less, uh, intimidating / trident / just one of those little rubbers / like a pencil / 三叉の槍の先っぽに消しゴムを / Bert Simpson rubber / the devil / perpetuate the culture of shame about error / lying to the world / make a mistake / people / that's what / I / even / Tipp-Ex yet / he's gotta / Tipp-Ex / both b__s, isn't he? Uh, actually I don't / shame / press ... uh ... / so, on his computer, does he never press Backspace? / この教授は自分のコンピューターでもバックスペースを押したことがないのかな / Yeah. ... Well, he wouldn't like word-processors at all in the first place, would he? He'd, uh, he'd prefer the old ... uh ... the old typewriter and no Tipp-Ex. Word-processor __ __ by its nature / point of it / really / I'd like to look / where / such / I / feel / sense of shame when I ... when I Tipp-Ex something / something up for ages. / rubbing out mistakes / not / help children / prepare for life's realities." There we go / No. / it's interesting, innit? Interesting thought. What do you think, Clint? / I would disagree with him. / Right. OK. That's that, then. That's that feature. ... Hey, look at this. Link these two stories / what do you make of this? / "Chocolate may run out in six years." ... Right? / No, __ won't. ... Carry on. / while you can, folks." ... I added the "folks" on the end / OK / I'm reading from the newspaper / brothers / a chocolate famine is looming / as / analyst / predicted / in just six years' time, there will be __ annual shortage of one million tons of coco." Right? / front page of __ Daily Express today, free Twix. ... How irresponsible is that? ... Six years left, they're giving them away. / デイリー・ミラーによると、あと６年でチョコレート飢饉がやってくるんだと。そのデイリー・ミラーが第一面では Twix を無料で配ってる。無責任もはなはだしい。６年で枯渇するものをタダで配るな。

"Hi Rhod, you asked for things that people had done wrong for a long period of time." Uh ... this all hails back to the fact that I've eaten rotten eggs all my life because of my method of testing them. I / getting it wrong / eating / fresh / ones that floated / are rotten / I've eatern / rotten ones / exclusively for 46 years. ... Uh ... uh ... "Hi Rhod, you asked for things that people have done wrong for a long period of time. When I was at university in the late 80's ..." Huh, / first / me too. ... Uh, this is from Daniel in Wrexham / the room was quite small ..." ... in his hall of residence, "... and the bed doubled as a seat, the idea being that you could move the bed ... move the bedding off it and use it as a couch / although no one ever did / I get it. ... Get it? __ __ __ __, Clint? / right. "I always thought / cell / like a cell, yeah. / got a bed there / doubles as a couch / I always thought the bed was a bit narrow. It was certainly a lot narrower than the single bed I had been used to while still living at home. A couple of times I actually fell out of the bed during the night whilst turning over. ... Three weeks from the end of the first year, I happened to mention / my mate / how much I was looking forward to / sleeping __ a normal-sized single bed / Oh, no / Yeah. "He looked at me strangely, took me into my room and demonstrated how the bed / actually / pulled out / we measured I spent nearly a year sleeping on a bed that was 18 inches wide. / That's a sledge. / ソリかよ。 / that's a shelf, mate. ... That's a shelf. ... " / 棚だよ。棚。 / ... safe to say that the final three weeks in __ hall __ __ __ __ sleeping on a king-sized bed. ... Love the show. / in, uh, __ / I like that. ... C__ here, in A__ ... an A__ podcast listener. A__ ... "With regards to things / wrong / somebody wrote in and said / I was in a taylor shop / I bought a pair of trousers with __ belt included ..." I didn't pick him up on that / let it go, right? / これが気になったわけじゃないんだ。ここはスルーしてくれ。 / let it go. Uh ... / the person, shop assistant, uh, showed him that he __ supposed to / feed / through the / I always go left / they went / everybody / apparently / been doing / with regards / should be introduced ..." That's a good word / introducing / a lot of each other / my wife / short holiday / conversation came round to the subject ..." ... as it does on holiday, innit? / came / all the time in the world / talk about next / she informed me that it depends on gender ..." ... Huh. OK. ... As in " __ belt should follow / buttons / right / and the hole is on the left. ... So, what's that got to do with ... so, you button it to the left, I suppose / button / another good question. ... What was the Feature 1? ... Have you ever seen a wild raspberry? / Feature 2: Do you bring hole to button or button to hole? / belt / on the right / it goes through your belt b__ / someboy / it depends / if you are right-handed or left-handed / I don't know if I'm right-handed or left-handed. We've established this many times on this radio. / let me know something / いきなり物を投げられたらどっちで受ける？ / huh, that's a good one / left / do it again now / self-conscious. It has to be ... / yeah, yeah / witness / witness / courtroom / where the, uh ... the ... uh ... / b__ or whatever / prove / witness / I think / deaf / sitting there, not knowing what's going on / says / huh / watch this / ball / left hand / ha__ been killed by a right-handed person. The whole courtroom goes, "He's left-handed !" / That's not enough, is it? / well, that was it, in __ film / film / H__ / drama. Don't worry about it. ... So, / how __ you know if / another / Feature 3 ... we've done this before / Your dominant hand. / back of it / we / back of it / bottom of it / never / how / dominant / which arm ... which arm is stronger? / uh ... I don't know. ... We could ... Hey, I have been grilled / are there other people who don't know / who / I think I / do eveything with both hands / I / evenly / I __ __ do that / just caught that / just caught that / left hand / does ... is that it? Does that mean it? I don't know. / それで俺は左利きってことになるのか？ / ... Still / so I / just smashed the microphone / uh, my right elbow / Yeah? / but that was accidental, and I'm holding my ... my notes here / goes / this is what I mean / difficult to work out / I / left-handed / my pen / right hand / bashed / microphone / my right hand / So, that's 2-1 to my right hand so far.

Kicking it off this, the Rhod-o-vision Song Contest. This week / from / T__ from S__. Perfect. That is, uh ... that's the way I'd like to see the game played. Somebody / nominate a band from that place and say a track / she could be / birth certificate / we take people's word for it on this show. / Huh huh. / I have faith / just lie / we take / word for it / yeah / talking about just taking people's word for it, ... ohhh ... second time I've had this conversation. ... second time I've had this conversation with, uh ... I've got, like, uh, three / think / stuff like that / this is how / conversation goes, Right? Uh ... second time ... "Hi, my name is so and so ... from, uh, from T__ / all right / then / go / can I just take, uh, your name? / I go, "No." / name / so we can check / tell you from them / how about / that way? / get home / Mr. ... Mr. / G__ / like, "Yeah, that's, uh, very good / just for security purposes / take your date of birth? / No. / ... Well, how am I supposed to know it's you? / Yeah. / He said / I / simple stuff / I just / give us __ post code / No. / he said, "How am I supposed to know ... how am I supposed to know / you go first. You go first. You go first." And then he goes, um ... / just / know / look, it's important / you don't need to give me a test before / assume / you've r__ng me / I'm me. / I'm not gonna give you any personal information over the phone / name / 会ったこともないやつに電話越しに個人情報を明かすわけにはいかない。 / might as well / nip this in the bud. Right? Uh ... and then he goes, uh ... he said something along the line __ / you know, "Please", or whatever / I said, "Look, I'm not trying to be / I'm not trying to be funny, I'm not trying be ... you know ... clever / know / job to do, I realize that / call center / it's hard / been / I know it's not your fault, bluh bluh bluh / really nice / frankly / OK / I said, "... frankly, mate, ..." I said, "I ... I don't know who you are / I don't know who could be calling / you could be anyone / response / I / could be anyone / But, I've just told you, I'm from T__. / だから、私は T__ の者ですと先程から申し上げているではありませんか。 / that's it, is it? That's gonna be my level of / from / fine / all my personal details / ああ、T__ の人ですか。それで安心しました。さあ、個人情報を全部教えて差し上げます。 / 'cause / work that out / from / any f__ / anyone / knocking on someone's door / just lying / told / I'm from you bank. / exactly / unbelievable / second time / had this conversation / other ones are available, innit? / When I / other / available out there / I did have to do / occasionally / and / walls have ears. Big Brother. / I won't name the bank / no / but / and / phoning ... phoning up customers, and you ... and they ... uh ... answer the phone, and then you go / hello / give the name / you have to run through security with them / so / and / ask you for ... for your bank account / I know / I wasn't expecting / I know you.

James F__, "I love you." / James has tweeted / picture of some / wild raspberry. Look at that. / Let me have a look. ... Let me have a look. ... / you / @clint / directly. Uh ... James __, "I have wild raspberries growing in my garden." ... Yeah ... see, I / go together / "wild" and "garden" / I don't know / I don't know, really / in your garden / wild / you know what I mean / I think / wild / to be outside the garden / field / somewhere up / mountain ... that's / through / come through to the back / come through to my alotment / over there __ __ wild tomato __ __ wild l__ce / wild raspberries growing in your garden. / Yeah. But how __ we differenciate / the thing is, when I was growing up, right? ... every now and again we'd have / raspberry __ in our garden / I didn't think / wild / it's like / my parents / sitting / on deck chairs / I don't go, "Huh, who are these strangers?" / my parents ... They're not wild people / not / hills / you are so good at poo-pooing things / lifetime of picking things apart / I don't know / ... hey, Feature 3 ... Can / raspberry / great show / I'll tell you what, James. I'm not convinced __ the logic / give / that / good / I'll give you that / これがワイルド・ラズベリーだとは認めないが、写真はいい。それは認めよう。きれいなラズベリーの写真を見たいひとはジェームズのツイッターフィードをチェックするといい。... オレはツイッターの使い方がわからん。/ do / does that make sense? / go to your one / Rhod / I / radio show / producers / go on / picture / r__, kids. Huh?Who's up for that? / はい、来たい子は？ / nice day / hey, apparently / right ratio / and cream / right ratio / you're already not having fun / fun / already wasted summer. / ratio / what is this? / six - four? You fool. / Just relax and have whatever you want, innit? / "Morning, boys ..." Oh, that's / I / a feature / feature / gonna be / "Altered signs" ... "On the way / this morning / little village in Wales / P__ / I saw a sign that said, uh, / either side of the road / 30 / roadside / you know / big red ... uh ... white sign with __ black "30" on it / red circle on the outside / somebody changed / don't try ... don't do it, kids / on both sides of the road / we are laughing / but it's not funny / it could lead to an accident / tell you what / got / Tipp-Ex it back to 30, you shouldn't / sense of shame / 制限速度の標識をイタズラして 30 から 80 に書き換えた君に言う。今からでも遅くはない。修正液を使って 80 を 30 に戻したまえ。「修正液を使って誤りを覆い隠す」ことを恥ずかしく思う必要はない。 / That is true. That is true. / you shouldn't do that in the first place / really. / Tipp-Ex is the devil's milk. / ティペックスは悪魔のミルクだから / Devil's milk ... / own t__ / don't suck on the devil's / kids / anyway / says / thought / dangerous / we / condon in any way whatsoever / back / that way / let's get some / fluid / I'll tell you / picture / like / says / what __ed this? / innit / there / devil's milk / devil's teat / 悪魔の乳首 / What do you think? ... How did we get on to this? / your brain / Don't blame my brain. Your brain's involved.

Look at this. Things / hi / pink / having gone to a primary school / up / food / c__ was a natural deep pink hue. It was only in secondary school / something yellow / finally / the truth / coloring as well ... innit? / カスタードの本当の色は黄色だって？　着色してあるんだから本当も何もない。だろ？ / doesn't exist in the wild. / カスタードってのは自然にそのへんに生えるものじゃないからな。 / garden / exactly. Exactly / earlier on / wild / somebody / in my garden / otherwise you __ go / in my cupboard / does wild c__ exist? / eating c__ / from / yellow c__ / there's no universal truth / existen__l, philosophical / Yes, 'cause / eggs / innit / 玉子は黄色だ。だからカスタードの本当の色は黄色だよ。玉子から作るんだから。 / yellow / floaty / black / what / what / color / naturally / naturally / just / grey sludge / just / only / yellow / advertising / バターはもともと灰色の気持ち悪い色をしてるんだろ？　それを黄色く着色するんだろ？/ yeah / grey / eat / it's not natural / different / blue butter / blue butter? / would you / all right / different / toast-colored / bit / in it / butter / that'd be good as well / complain / jam-colored butter / need / sliced / jam / like / the middle / be / I should be unv__iling this / dragon's den / brought my multi-colored, lazy-man's butter / anybody ... nobody likes washing their kinfe / just / Exactly. / Yeah. / 人間は怠け者だから、ナイフ色のバターがあったら誰もナイフを洗わなくなる。

look at this / co-host / one in three kids have never heard a real sheep bleat or a cow moo, a study revealed yesterday. A quarter do not know ... know / baby sheep / names / farmer should know what / one / one in five kids have no idea __ __ where bacon comes from / Shop? / Well, this is it, isn't it? ... / dealing / here / right? / real / moo / no idea where / bacon / come from / listen / 4% / pigs give us potato__s. ... / ジャガイモは豚から生まれるんだと / That is a lovely idea. That is a ... / sort of / Father Christmas / animal kingdom / deliver the potato__s. ... "Quick, __ up __ something / conclusion / disconnected / no way / in luck, kids / as I was explaining to Clint, / kids / give you a little / I can do / three / one of them is a sheep and one of them is a cow / so / one in three kids / never heard / cow / what a luck ! I can do both / strap in / ready / needs a bit of facial co__n. / Does / your magic power / sheep / it does, yeah. / magic / look / toilet / another show / another show / just by looking at it / hundred times / at least / yeah / just look at the sheep, __, toilet. ... Here it goes. Sheep: __ / cow / ... That was good. / Genuinely good. I'd have __ed the sheep, if I'm honest.

whole show / for a couple of weeks / capable hands / best / back / on Saturday, the 27th of June.

よろしければこちらもどうぞ↓

Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits エピソード・リスト